Falling in love with confusion
Reframing Confusion: From Swamp to Stepping Stone
We often equate clarity with peace, calm, and a sense of arrival, while confusion is associated with chaos, feelings of stuckness, and overwhelming anxiety.
Imagine facing a critical decision, such as choosing a new career path or deciding whether to stay or leave a relationship. Unlike choosing bread, these are profound questions that demand deeper reflection. We yearn for clarity and ease while trying to figure things out, often getting caught in a cycle of overthinking and trying to control the uncontrollable.
We want to know where we’re heading, and the confusion and uncertainty is hard to bear and it can feel overwhelming, like being lost in a vast and treacherous swamp. This is how I often experience confusion: like being lost in a vast and treacherous swamp – the ground beneath your feet is unstable, the air is thick with fog, and every step feels heavy and uncertain.
Maybe it´s not even worth taking a step, because I don´t know in which direction to walk anyway?
However, in all of that – can we see the beauty, the excitement? For once, it doesn’t really matter in which direction we go or how fast… every step matters. No matter how big or small. If we knew exactly where we were going, maybe we would see all the obstacles and get discouraged because it seems so difficult to get there. But not seeing the end goal, we just need to take one more step. Small or big, doesn’t matter. Even just staying still for a while, waiting for the fog to clear, the sky to open up is okay.
And not knowing where we’re heading, isn’t it also exciting? Anything could be behind that fog, there is potential. Who knows what the next step holds? So instead of fearing the “swamp” of uncertainty and confusion, we can embrace it as a space for experimentation and discovery.
As Thich Nhat Hanh says: “No mud no lotus.”
The Power of Messy Action: Cultivating Clarity Through Engagement
Could we even fall in love with confusion? Imagine a world where we embrace the unknown, where uncertainty isn’t something to be feared but rather a space for playful exploration. Just as a swimmer navigates a murky river, we can begin to navigate the swamp of confusion by taking small, intentional steps. These actions, even if they feel uncertain or clumsy, will gradually lead to new possibilities.
We often don´t like the uncertainty, the “darkness” There is this muddyness, the chaos, the messiness. Not knowing where we´re heading or what we want. How will things turn out?
Yet, when we´re in confusion it means we´re looking. We´re seeking. There are options and possibilities. There´s not really a reason why that needs to feel less good than clarity. It´s what we make of it.
From all of this, our clarity arises. It grows. Just like a seed planted in soil, it´s gonna rise.
That is, if we nourish it well.
How do we do that? It starts with taking action, messy as it may be. We need to engage with the confusion, embrace the “muddy” process so that we develop our clarity on the way.
Taking messy action can be scary. It requires us to step outside of our comfort zones and embrace the possibility of failure.
Clarity comes from engagement not thought. Marie Forleo
True clarity doesn’t arise from mere contemplation; from thinking about how stuck we feel and how we might get out of it – it emerges from action.
Confusion as a Protective Mechanism: Recognizing and Overcoming Resistance
While confusion can be a catalyst for exploration, it can also be a form of resistance.
Isn´t it much easier to stay where we are and keep telling ourselves that we are stuck, not knowing what to do instead of taking a step into the unknown, not knowing where it´s gonna lead us? I definitely recognise this in myself, especially when I look back at times in my life where I felt utterly “confused” and stuck – I was trying very hard to be clear about what I wanted, but all that thinking about it just let me more overwhelmed.
The resistance often manifests as an excuse to avoid difficult decisions or the discomfort of change. We tell ourselves, “I’m confused, in the mess, it’s muddy… so how could I dare to make any kind of decision? Not my fault, right?” If we keep telling ourselves that “we don’t know,” “we’re confused,” we don’t have the clarity to act – we keep ourselves from taking the necessary action that will bring us to clarity. It’s like a vicious cycle in which we keep ourselves trapped.
Then we come up with thoughts like “My job isn’t that bad, I can stick around another year.” We avoid decisions, because in fact, we do know, and we know it’s gonna be messy, we have to face uncomfortable discussions, break-ups, decisions and what not. But we don´t want the discomfort and so it feels nicer to just leave everything as it is.
Overcoming this resistance requires us to embrace the discomfort of uncertainty and take those initial, messy steps towards clarity. It’s about acknowledging our fears and taking action despite them.
Falling in Love with the Unknown: Finding Joy in the Journey
While confusion can be a form of resistance, it can also be an empowering force. When we acknowledge our confusion, we create space for exploration and self-discovery. We can use this period of uncertainty to experiment, to try new things, and to learn more about ourselves and our desires.
Clarity can be frightening and overwhelming – it involves decisions. Tough decisions that sometimes involve leaving loved ones, people, places behind. Then the idea of confusion comes in. We can cover up clarity with a sense of confusion, telling ourselves that we just don´t know. This ‘protective blanket’ of confusion keeps us safe. Safe from making huge decisions that are overwhelming. Instead, we take small doable, digestible steps that keep our heart and nervous system at peace.
Quitting my job, leaving my beloved apartment and people I love behind to travel the world for a year (or more) and not knowing if and when I´d come back? No no, too much frightening clarity!
But: drafting an email about handing in my notification? Ok.
Then: Re-reading that draft and finalising it – Also ok
Sending that email – oh, also ok.
And so step by step through confusion can we get through our ultimate goal.
Live is lived forward but understood backwards… I remember clearly that I kept nagging myself for not knowing exactly what I wanted, for not taking clear decisions like: I quit my job for a one-year sabbatical.
Now I get it. This was a life-changing decision and it was overwhelming. By telling myself that I don’t really know where I’m heading, that I’m lacking clarity, I was actually empowering myself. I broke the journey down into small decisions and actions. Each of them felt safe and doable and at the same time moved me forward. To the here and now, eight years into the “journey”.
What helps in moments of confusion? Stay present. Focus on the little steps that stretch you a bit but that you still feel comfortable taking. Don´t focus too much on the big, far away goal or vision. Cultivate a sense of playfulness and curiosity, allowing yourself to be surprised by the unexpected turns the journey may take.